Why Specialize in Supporting Progressive Parents?
Supporting Parents in Nurturing Kids’ Potential
Sometimes people I talk to in consultations or about my practice wonder why I specialize in working with progressive parents. The term progressive often feels inherently political in the contentious times we live in. I welcome the questions people ask that usually sound like, “Are you focusing on political issues with clients?”. This is an honest question, and the short answer is, “Not unless it is important to my clients.” As a counselor who practices, in part, from a feminist perspective, I’ve observed that the personal is often political for many people. As a highly trained therapist, it’s important to me that my clients know they are in the driver’s seat about what is examined in counseling. Whatever issues and values are important to them, or are tripping them up, are good issues for sessions. This means that for some clients they may want and need to process grief they feel when noticing more and more unseasonably warm days in January due to climate change, or how distressing it is to see news of another young Black person killed by the police, or their feelings about losing choices about how they manage their health care and fertility, or the fear they feel when they drop their kids off at school that it could be the last time they see each other due to a school shooting. For others, they want to focus their time in counseling on relationships or other issues. Both perspectives and the spectrum in between are valid. I strive to create a safe place for all perspectives, a place where people can be themselves.
Counseling: It's Often About Values
Over the years, I’ve worked with lots of clients who have different values and beliefs systems, and I still do. Not everyone I work with calls themselves progressive. What I’ve found over the past several years is that I work really well with parents healing from difficult childhoods who are trying to apply the values of respect, emotional intelligence, being collaborative, and setting healthy boundaries in their lives and parenting. When my clients don’t live in a progressive-friendly neighborhood, they tell me that they find living in a more conservative place difficult and sometimes triggering. I call this “the red state blues”. Sometimes, they feel like they no longer belong or would be unwelcome in a conversation with their neighbors. Common struggles I see are, “what will happen if I put up a Pride flag for Pride month now that three of my neighbors have put out yard signs and flags supporting things that feel hateful to me?”, “How do I advocate for my kids now that the school board is banning books?”, or “How do I find a group of like-minded moms or parents?”. Each of these questions might cause a person to wrestle with deeply held beliefs and values and can wade into political topics at the same time. I don’t tell people what to believe or do, and as a person living in this country today, with you, I probably have been wrestling with some of the same questions as my clients in my personal life. As a counselor, it is my professional role to support you in charting a course that is true for you and your family. These questions are challenging, fascinating, and something that my clients appreciate being able to have a safe place to explore.
Being Progressive is a Worldview
For the parents I work with, being progressive is fundamentally about respect in all its forms. It’s a worldview and set of values that includes political beliefs as just one part of this perspective. My clients often came to their values after experiencing the opposite of respect as kids. They’ve experienced difficult and scary things like poverty, substance use, parents with unresolved trauma, authoritarian parenting, religious upbringings in fundamentalist communities or cults, or even abuse. Often my clients say that they know what they don’t want to do, but find it hard to apply the strategies they want because their own emotional reactions (ex: confusion, upset, anger, or shutdown) are getting in the way.
What are Progressive Parenting Values?
There are lots of ways to think about the main values in progressive parenting approaches. I find that the parents I work with want to focus on respect for their kids’ individuality, helping their kids develop emotional intelligence, teaching critical thinking and collaborative decision-making, and using more positive discipline or gentle parenting approaches. These values can look like:
Respect for Individuality: Progressive parenting places great importance on acknowledging and respecting a child's individuality. Each child is unique, with their own personality, strengths, and interests. Instead of imposing rigid expectations, progressive parents embrace their child's individuality, allowing them to explore their passions and develop their identity. By doing so, parents can create a safe space where children feel valued and heard, encouraging them to become confident and authentic individuals.
Nurturing Emotional Intelligence: In the journey of parenting, emotional intelligence plays a vital role in a child's overall development. Progressive parenting emphasizes understanding and managing emotions effectively. Parents can help their children develop emotional intelligence by teaching them how to identify and express their feelings constructively, while also fostering empathy towards others.
Collaborative Decision-Making: Progressive parenting encourages parents to involve children in some decision-making processes, empowering them to take ownership of their choices. By including children in family discussions and decision-making, parents can foster independence and critical thinking skills while nurturing a sense of responsibility and accountability.
Positive Discipline: Progressive parenting advocates for a shift from traditional punitive discipline methods to positive discipline techniques that prioritize teaching and guidance. By focusing on understanding the root causes of behavior and offering constructive guidance, parents can create a nurturing environment that supports their child's emotional and social development.
Why I Love Working with Progressive Parents
Like all parents, the clients I work with strive to provide their kids with the best upbringing they can, one that empowers kids to thrive in a rapidly changing world. Many people are drawn to progressive parenting approaches (especially attachment parenting and gentle parenting), because they focus on building a sense of safety and security, emotional regulation, independence, critical thinking, and respect for self, others, and the world we live in.
The university town I grew up in was a progressive community full of hippies. Carob was seen as a great substitute for chocolate (newsflash, it isn’t), and in school we stood in a circle in the auditorium singing “Kumbaya” and “Free to Be You and Me” songs. When I left in the early 2000s, I found moving to Cincinnati felt like a culture shock. I went from a community full of rainbow flags, fairy gardens, and signs calling for peace to a much more conservative city where I felt like I had to keep my beliefs, interests, and identity to myself.
I love working with people who want to make the world a better place for themselves and their kids. Research around the world shows that when parents learn something they share it with their kids and communities and when they heal, their families get better. Supporting parents in becoming more empowered is incredibly rewarding. By embracing respect for individuality, nurturing emotional intelligence, encouraging collaborative decision-making, and implementing positive discipline techniques, progressive parents can create an environment that supports their child's growth and development and their own healing from dysfunctional family patterns.