Our Services
Is gentle parenting supposed to be this hard?
You thought that you would be able to be a calm parent and leave your childhood experiences behind. But you feel overwhelmed more days than you’d like, and worry that your fuse is too short. You want to be less reactive to the typical kid behaviors, be able to parent more gently, and teach your kids about respect, diversity, and being calm. But how can they learn these behaviors and values if you don’t always model them yourself? You swore you’d never be an angry parent struggling to manage your emotions when your kids are doing kid things, like making noise, running, or having normal sibling squabbles. When they are noisy, jumping, and playing it sets you on edge, startles you, or makes you irritable. Every time you lose your cool you feel ashamed, guilty, and worried that your kids won’t feel safe with you (even though you know they are). No one is perfect, you know you aren’t abusive, but you feel lost trying to learn ways to parent that you never experienced. Then, just when you think you’ve got a handle on it, your child gets to a new developmental stage, and you’ve lost your footing again. When will you feel like you are enough and stop waiting for the other shoe to drop? You feel empty and like you have run out of gas.
Sometimes your family of origin makes parenting harder.
On top of the day-to-day stress, you may be trying to maintain relationships with your extended family and it’s hard. You question if you are doing the right thing trying to give your kids extended family when many of these family members are stuck in unhealthy family patterns or substance use. It’s a tug of war between the benefits of having extended family and feeling like you need to protect your kids from the very people who are supposed to love them. All this weighs on you while you try to set boundaries and protect yourself, too. Sometimes, when you remember what your childhood was like, you feel grief and loss because you feel like you missed out on a happy childhood. Since your family of origin isn’t always reliable or maybe even safe, your support system is small, and parenting duties never let up. Racing thoughts and nervous feelings keep you up at night and it’s exhausting. It’s disheartening trying to be the parent and person you want to be, but feeling like you are falling short. You long to feel confident and like you are enough.
This isn’t what you dreamed about.
When you had kids, you dreamed of all the special times like making cookies, doing nature walks, and helping them develop into the unique people they are. What you didn’t imagine was how often you would be reminded of your unhappy childhood where you felt lost, scared, and alone. You didn’t imagine the guilt you would feel when you lost your temper, how worried you would feel that you might make the same mistakes as your parents. You want to break the cycle of family dysfunction and you know that means you need to learn to get centered and grounded. Otherwise, the merry go round of guilt, shame, and worry will continue.
Most of my clients are trying to find a balance between taking care of themselves so they can be their authentic selves, while giving their kids the happy, safe, childhood they deserve.
Therapy might be for you if:
You’re struggling with memories, feelings, or emotions that remind you of scary, sad, or lonely childhood experiences.
Sometimes you feel hijacked by strong emotions. You find yourself being angry or irritable when your kids are just being kids, making noise, making messes, or not following your lead.
Your sleep is being affected by worry or thoughts you just can’t seem to turn off.
You don’t want your kids to be anxious and walking on eggshells like you did.
It’s hard to say “no” or set boundaries without fear or guilt.
It’s hard to trust others around your kids, and you are anxious when your kids aren’t within your sight. So, even when you take a break for self-care, you don’t get a break.
You can find more balance in your life.
Ok, so balance may be a modern parenting myth but, you can hope for moments of balance. My focus with clients is to help them learn to identify what is getting in the way of being the parent, person, and community member they want to be. We’ll work together to help you identify when you are feeling triggered, worried, or sad and learn tools to help you calm those feelings so you can be more present. Sessions will provide you with the space to explore your thoughts, feelings, and goals.
It's important to me to create safety within our sessions and ensure that the process is collaborative so you can tap into your inner wisdom. There isn't a "one size fits all" approach to counseling. Our sessions will fit your specific needs and concerns.
Our sessions won’t be:
Me telling you to focus on and tell me about the traumatic experiences of your life. Research shows focusing on the events can be retraumatizing for clients.
You, laying on the couch, contemplating your navel for the next five, expensive, years. Research shows that therapy works really well when it is goal-focused and time-limited.
Me coaching you in parenting techniques. You’ve already read all the blogs and books at Google University. Feeling better is about learning to use proven tools and skills to take the reins of your reactions and emotions.
Me telling you what a bad parent you are and how to “fix” things. Shame doesn’t “fix” anything.
Me telling you that you are great and it’s your kids, partner, or family that are to blame. Gold stars are for chore charts.
Developing a magic plan to “fix” things in just a few sessions. Healing takes time and neural networks take about 6 months to be “re-wired”.
Some of the beliefs that guide me in my work:
You are worthy of love, care, and respect and deserve to experience non-judgement and acceptance.
Survivors are not what happened to them.
Emotions heal when they are felt, witnessed, and validated.
No one crosses a bridge unless they have an idea of what is on the other side. So, we will set manageable goals for what you want out of counseling.
Therapy often works best when it addresses the person as a whole: their mind, body, values, beliefs, and spiritual perspective.
Brené Brown had a powerful insight when she said, "Owning your story is the bravest thing you'll ever do." I’m humbled every day by the bravery and love I witness in clients.
Reach Out Today!
I specialize in working with stressed out parents who are healing from difficult childhoods so they can be the parents, people, and community members they want to be. Please feel free to reach out to schedule a free 15-minute consultation. I look forward to working with you!